Alliebug

Today at lunch Allie was asking me about Brady's next surgery and then she asked the question that I have heard no less than 50 times, 'When I was a baby, did I have a cleft palate?' I told her no and she said, 'girls don't have cleft palates.' Of course I told her that some do and decided maybe it was a good time to talk about differences. I asked her if she looked like mommy and she replied, 'No' then there was a long pause and she said 'I'm nakey.' So there you have it.

Just another night at the Loos household

Brady had a great day today. The past few days have gotten consistently better and I am thrilled with his progress. We started seeing some smiles on Sunday (finally) and today he was smiley almost the entire day. The period after naptime is always hard, but other than that we had almost no meltdowns. I would say that he is back to 'pre-surgery' Brady except I think it is even better than before. I can tell that we have reached a new level and he is beginning to realize that we are mom and dad and not just someone who will be gone in a while. Yeah Brady! He's been cuddly with me (!) but is also playing on his own. Last week he was clingy but didn't want me to touch him. I didn't realize until today how worn out that I am. He wants to eat A LOT and I feel like I am constantly feeding him (He can't feed himself). Food has always been an issue with him and I know he is asking for food when he isn't hungry. We are trying to spend more time in the basement and away from the kitchen so we can have mroe structured meal/snack times. I am sure that many people are laughing at the fact that I even know what 'structured' means. I am starting to think that God sent me Brady to finally whip ME into shape. No being lazy with this one around. Mama has to work for it!

Please excuse the mess on Brady's face and pj's in the pics. I usually feed him with a syringe but today he got a sippy with a soft nipple and it was long enough he could hold it himself. I think there's more Pediasure on his pj's (which were new btw) than in his belly.

I also wanted to take a minute to remember those who's lives were lost on this day 6 years ago. On September 11, 2001 we were in the process of moving from Knoxville to Johnson City and Jeff already was living in JC during the work week while the kids (only 3 at that time) and I stayed in Knoxville to sell the house. I never wanted him home with us more than that night. I just wanted to hold everyone I loved as close to me as I could. I pray that we never have to experience a day like that again.





Think we need a bigger couch?

Brady wasn't in the above pic because he was trying to get mommy to take a close up

When your 2 year old says...

'Poopy stinks real bad mommy' don't ya think it's time to get potty trained??? She's not even close to being interested. It's so funny when they really start to talk. She climbed up beside me on the couch last week and said, 'I'm precious'. What a little stinker. At least she hasn't told me that she is a genius yet like Cameron did when he was little. ha ha

Ask and you shall receive

Kim,

Here are a few new ones of Allie...

 

This is what it is all about

 

Memory Card Found

Suspect #1 said she didn't take it but that AnnaClaire did. Funny that she said the same thing about Ryan's missing game card...hmmm. Anyway, it was still on the desk just not where I left it and all is well with the world. At least my world; Ryan's still looking for that game card;)

Update

I know some of you are praying for Brady and for us so I wanted to let you know how we are doing. The end of the week we had two horrendous days. Brady was completely out of control and I was feeling very low. I told Jeff that maybe I died the night before we left for China and this was Hell. Of course I know that can't be true because there have also been many great things that have happened since then:) Anyway, through prayer, through reading, through talking with my parents and mostly through handing it to God I have found peace and a newfound compassion for Brady and best of all PATIENCE with him. I decided to start wearing him in the Walking Rock Farm carrier. He wasn't a fan of it in China, but he seems to get comfort out of it. I have been singing to him, playing interactive games with him, telling him how much I love him, basically bugging the crap out of him LOL...but I can see a difference already!!! When he starts to go into meltdown mode, I am calm and sometimes I can even get him calm as well. We've got a long way to go but I am really encouraged. I am not sure when it happened, because it sure wasn't instant but I am head over heels in love with this little guy and I know he is here with us for a purpose. I can hardly look at him these days without tears welling up in my eyes because of the pain I know he has had in his little life.

Before Brady had surgery he would sometimes call 'mama' but never seemed to really call me mama. It was more just something he said. Often it was when he was referring to food. ??? Anyway, the past few days he has been calling ME 'mama'. He knows I am MAMA! He still grunts a lot of the time that I say 'I love you' but sometimes he says 'love you' back to me. Today he was giving kisses. Lots of kisses. We haven't had lots of kisses since before surgery.

One day AnnaClaire is going to kill me for this but I have to share...Brady hasn't been laughing much (almost not at all until today) since his surgery, but the other day AnnaClaire tooted and Brady laughed loud. AnnaClaire replied, 'THAT NOT FUNNY' It was SO funny!

The pictures above are from July when we visited MeeAll and Popaw. I would share new pictures (I'd especially love pics of sweet AnnaClaire in her Vol attire from today, complete with cute Vol hairbow) BUT someone (and I am not naming names, but I am pretty sure they are between 34 & 39 inches, dark hair and eyes, possibly born in China and also very likely working with an accomplice or accomplices with the same description) hid my memory card from my camera. Interrogation beginns tomorrow at 0700 hours;)

I have been tagged

Tonya got me and I am just now getting around to doing it, so here goes...

You have to post these rules before you give the facts.

1) Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to you life for each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name that you wish you had.

2) When tagged, you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name facts.

3) At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave a comment telling them that they're tagged and to read you blog.


My middle name at birth was Renee, but I dropped it and kept my maiden name (Kreis) when I married, so I will use that.

K-Kohl's, my favorite place to shop. When we moved to Johnson City from Knoxville, there was no Kohl's here so I emailed them many, many times telling them to check my account and see why they needed to build a Kohl's in Johnson City. There's now a Kohl's here. Coincidence? I don't think so;)

R-Redeemed, by the blood of Christ

E-Eating, unfortunately one of my very favorite things to do. I really need to start Weight Watchers again, but I am not in the right mindset and I have to be in the right mindset to be successful.

I-Internet, Thank you AL GORE! I don't know what I would do without the internet! I have met some of my very best friends through the internet and I sure couldn't have survived 3 paperchases and waits without it.

S-Shopping, another of my favorite things to do. I'll even shop for someone else I love it so much!

Okay, now I have to tag 5 people. so here goes...

Kim B
Kim T
Kelly W
Connie
Shelley

I hate coming up with titles to these posts...LOL

Brady saw his surgeon yesterday afternoon and yes, his soft palate has separated. The doctor said the hard palate looks good so far although I swear I can see it pulling apart. We go back in two weeks and hopefully the hard palate will still be intact. Until then, we are still on the same diet. Thankfully I found some Pediasure Nutri Pals at the grocery store. I put that in the 1 oz syringe that the hospital gave (HA...I use that term loosely) us and Brady sucks it up like a baby bird. He hasn't made me fight to feed him the Nutri Pals one time and even asks for it. Thank you God! It makes me feel like he is actually getting something good for him and something that will make him feel full. Much better than popsicles all day long. Today we were sitting on the floor and I was feeding him and I said, 'You're a good boy Brady. Mommy loves you.' and he put his arms out and got into my lap and hugged me. Of course I just started bawling. I am sure he thinks I have lost my mind. I also started crying in the waiting room yesterday when we were sitting near a woman that looked SO MUCH like my grandmother who passed away in March. She was so excited about Brady and couldn't wait for him to come home. Sadly, she never got to meet him. Seeing that woman just stirred up all these emotions.

Cameron's school had a college fair last night and Cameron and Jeff went and got information about several schools. Cameron is pretty sure that he wants to go to ETSU and live at home. I really want him to live on campus and have the whole college experience but we will let him make the final decision. I personally think he just doesn't want to leave Allie;) Speaking of Allie...She got into the car at preschool pick up time crying. Apparently, after they lined up and did head count on the playground today she decided to go back and play some more (there was another class still playing). Her class went on in and the other teacher brought her to her class. I though she might be embarrassed that she was in trouble but once I could understand her through her sobs (and get her to say anything other than 'I want my DADDY!') I realized she was scared that her class left without her. She said, 'no one was taking very good care of me'. I think she will listen next time they have line up!

We are car shopping for Jeff (we're giving his Avalon to Brandon) and stumped over whether a 5 seater is enough or if we need a 7 seater. Since kids stay in car seats for so long now and most sedans are too tight for 3 carseats, we are leaning towards a crossover. We're currently looking at the Acura MDX, the GMC Acadia and the Buick Enclave. If he gets a sedan it will probably be another Avalon. Since we have the Suburban and Jeff drives a lot for his job, we don't want another tank. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

Sigh

Friday morning must have been our honeymoon period because things have just gone downhill from there. Brady is not doing well. He's either screaming and raging or in a daze and he's obviously in quite a bit of pain. For the most part he is still rejecting me until I give up and walk away and then he goes ballistic wanting me to hold him. My heart breaks for him because up to this point life has basically stunk for him. Why should he trust that we are here for him forever? Or that we aren't going to take him back or pass him along to another set of strangers? That is all he has known. To see him in this physical pain and not trusting me enough to let me comfort him is so sad and so hard for a mama. Getting him to eat and drink has been difficult. Every meal, he fights it for about a half hour until finally he gives in. I have only known one other kid in my life who was so 'my way or the highway' and that is Allie. Yikes! Either God really trusts me or He is punishing me! LOL Brady is actually even worse than Allie when it comes to controlling behavior and that is not good. I am hoping that will lessen when he gets more secure with us. This morning during one of Brady's fits I could see clearly into his mouth (at least there is one advantage to these outbursts). I could see that already his palate was opening back up. His surgeon told us that would almost definitely happen, but I didn't think it would happen so soon or be so big. Now I am just waiting for the entire thing to open back up. When I talked to the surgeon today he said there was nothing that could be done about it before Brady's next surgery in about 3-4 months. The last I had heard was another surgery in 6-7 months. I have tears in my eyes as I type this. I can't put my baby back through this in just 3-4 months. I am so discouraged. We could really use some prayers. For healing, for attachment and bonding, for Brady to somehow know that he has a FAMILY now that loves him no matter what and that it is safe for him to love us too. I have been holding it together all day but now that everyone else is in bed and I can put my thoughts together it really helps to type it all out so that I can try to process all that I am feeling.

The bright side to all this is that every smile that I get from Brady these days feels like a million bucks:)

Wow!

Who is this kid? Brady is in such a great mood today. He's smiling at me and reaching for me, playing calmly at times but also joking around chasing me with his stuffed monkey. He happily ate his breakfast of Jello and the girls wanted Jello too, so he didn't even think about his cereal. When I changed his diaper and pj's this morning, one of his no no's fell off and he stuck his arm out for me to put it back on! I couldn't believe it. The prayers must be working!

After Surgery

 

 

Before Surgery

 

 

 

 

We're home

Sorry for the late update. We had no internet access at the hospital.

Brady is doing pretty well. They were able to close most of the palate but he still has a good size hole near his gumline. He'll have another surgery next year to correct that and any other holes that may form. The arm restraints (no-no's) are a joke and we have struggled with keeping them on even without him messing with them. It's going to be a real challenge over the next 3 weeks. It seems to hurt him when he swallows and he is letting saliva pool in his mouth which is causing him to drool like a fiend. The drool is bloody and smells awful. He's been eating crunched popsicles and some stage one baby food. He is refusing most liquids but has had a bit of apple juice and Hawaiian Punch. At the hospital they had me try to give him Jello, pudding, and soup which was all refused. I felt so bad when he brought me his snack cup and a box of cereal when we first got back home. He's having a hard time accepting the fact that he can't have cereal for a while. At the hospital he was pushing my hand away when I tried to comfort him but then would cry for me when I wasn't standing right by the crib. He is very upset with me for letting this all happen to him. When Jeff would come into the hospital room, Brady would go crazy reaching for him like he knew his Daddy would rescue him from the meaness his Mom was forcing him to endure. Allie was very upset to see Brady after surgery and cried for most of her visit. It was much harder than I had anticipated seeing him so vulnerable and in pain. I am not sure how I am going to deal with the 'several more' surgeries the surgeon told me that he would need. I just want to scoop him up and protect him from any more pain. We are happy to be home now and are thankful for all the thoughts and prayers.

Surgery

I have never had to deal with one of my children having surgery before. This is all new to us. Of course the minute we were chosen to be Brady's family we knew that we would become a family that was familiar with surgeries. That doesn't make it any easier. Jeff is worried about Brady being put to sleep. I, on the other hand, worry about what he will think of the arm restraints and liquid diet. Will he lose all the trust we have worked so hard to build? I also worry about him healing. Can I protect him enough so that he can heal properly? He's such a rough little guy and so very clutzy. I fear that within minutes of being back home, he will take a tumble that will rip his palate right back open. I wish I could put him in a bubble for a few weeks while he heals. I hope that we come out of this more bonded than before and that instead of losing trust, he learns to trust us more. I am very excited to hear his language take off once his palate is repaired. There is already so much he says or tries to say. I think being able to verbalize better will take away some of his frustrations. I know this is a step in the right direction for my baby. If you don't mind, please remember little Brady in your prayers. Poor little guy has been through so much already. We'll leave for the hospital around 4:30 am and he should be out of surgery around noon. I will try to update asap.

THANK YOU!

Baby Brady

We received some pictures of Brady from the orphanage. What a gift!

 

 

 

Daddy's Girl? NUH-UH!

When we ask AnnaClaire who's girl she is, she always does the sign for mommy but Jeff managed to get her to do the sign for daddy this once. She's still my girl;)

 

The Terrible Two

My copycat boy. When I asked AnnaClaire to lay on her tummy, he wanted to do it too (please ignore the snockers).